Fifteen years ...

It seems like yesterday but also a lifetime ago that you left the world as we know it to be.

I remember that day so vividly in my mind, like it is frozen in time.

A Thursday in April that started out so ordinary, now engraved on our hearts with the wound of grief.

All those things we didn’t say…

My greatest longing for you was to be well – to be happy and safe, out of trouble or harms way and to know your worth.

I know you wanted this for me, too.

My deepest regret is the last time I saw you on this earth, I was angry and hurt that you were high.

I’m sorry. I know you are, too.

My love for you has never wavered.

I know now that you genuinely loved me, too.

You wanted to protect us -  

From your pain – your hurt – your demons –your fears – your experiences – your addiction.

I wish I could have shouldered some of that burden for you.

My heart aches for the suffering of others and I truly believe that began with you, dear brother.

Thank you for teaching me to see people and to desire to know them fully.   

(Ubuntu.)

I am growing into the knowledge that you can’t experience joy without experiencing pain - One simply cannot exist without the other.

My hope lies in knowing that what was once lost, can be found and where there is sorrow, sweetness will someday follow.

  

I believe you will always be a friend to many young and old , here and in heaven above.

To my oldest sibling, as I continue to grow and change with the passing of time - 

You are forever young.

You are remembered

You are loved

You remain a part of us.

~ 

In the wake of death, may we all find life -

And live it abundantly.

#fifteenyears  #timemarcheson #personal

xo,

"When you remember me, it means that you have carried something of who I am with you, that I have left some mark of who I am on who you are...For as long as you remember me, I am never entirely lost." Buechner